So.. Where Do We Go Now...

Firstly, please allow me to apologise in advance for this post as it involves a pile of emotional release, and might otherwise spoil your currently jolly mood. You see, I used to type out my thoughts on my DA Journal, but since I swore not to use it anymore, I have to make do with our poly blog...

What I'm going share about is basically about work. It's been stressful, it's been draining, and for those of you who don't really know me, I'm someone who isn't really tactful, in the sense that I'm too frank, and not adequately equipped with proper social skills that other growing babies had already developed while drinking milk. Also I have a tend to stick to a philosophy of patience being a virtue.

I'm sure that some of you have already experienced this with me, in that I tend to keep quiet about things and certain displeasures. But most of the time this doesn't work well in long-run circumstances. For example, friendships and relationships. I've in my naiveity, always felt that the other parties should have by their own discretion know what they do to me, or treat me for that matter, is acceptable or not. Then when things go too far for me, or when I've reach my breaking point, I either lash out or blow up in a sudden and often unexpected way. As you can see, this is obviously a BAD thing. It results in souring relationships and making more enemies faster than I can say, "fuckmeupsidedown".

And so it happens today that, there's this girl at the workplace whom I've tolerated for very long. I've come to accept the fact that she's pretty screwed up, but otherwise normal by her own ways. She's rather boyish as she's claimed herself to be, and can be rather offensive at times if you're like me. I've been trying to be nice to her, but often repaid by being kicked or punched at jokingly. As a guy, I suppose its okay to be beaten up by girls, even if it hurts or not. In a very bad timing of events, I was using this girl's terminal to surf around a bit, being lunch time and all. She returns and sees me at her com, and tells me to "siam". As usual I would ignore her and pretend that she has issues expressing herself. It all came to the part where, an intern mistakenly took her seat and replaced it with another, that I happen to be sitting upon. I offered to switch seats, and seeing that no one was taking action, I decided to take a seat back down. Now from what I've heard, no one did anything to the chair except me. But yet strangely if felt as though somemore pulled the chair out from beneath me. I fell over and heard her laughing out loud and immediately assumed that she had did it.

Because of the previous incidents where she has consistently been punching, kicking and whatnot on me, and her outspokenly rude remarks, I snapped at work and told her off. Following this ensued a series of really poor communications skills and "sueing" of each other.

At the end of the day, I decided to SMS her instead of confront directly as I didn't want to start another scene, lecturing her about her attitude. It progressed into a mobile phone conversation where the least I can say is... we still haven't come down to neutral grounds. I ended up with apologising to her for yelling at her, as the chair incident wasn't her fault or intention. She apologised for being rude and all. Perhaps its our horoscopes, or perhaps its my better lack of people skills, but bottomline is that she's stressed, upset and tearing. I felt sorry, but either her english is bad or she's indignant, and she digs up more things provoke further "discussion". Tired and zoned out, I told her to leave it on neutral spot - me apologising for wrongly accusing her and not telling her off earlier and allowing things to escalate, and her saying sorry for being rude.

For one thing, she obviously made it clear that this is how her personality is all the while, and that I'm being overreactive and sensitive. So I really dunno, and feeling lost.